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It seems things got pretty serious around here last week. And that’s a good reminder for writers. The business of writing can be a serious business at times.
But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And Jill’s not much fun either. Pretty soon all they do is fetch water and break their crowns and make unscheduled and expensive visits to the dentist. Anyone up for a little game this week?
Writers must love writing. They must love the game of sentences and paragraphs. They must love the game of ideas. And sometimes we get so serious that we forget how to play. That’s why I like writing contests sometimes. Here’s a fun one from the April issue of Fantasy and Science Fiction. It turns the first two steps of Randy Ingermanson’s Snowflake Method into a game.
April F&SF Competition #74: Adapted?
You’re a Hollywood screenwriter, given the task of adapting a work of fiction into a science fiction/fantasy blockbuster. Rewrite the plot of a well-known book of fiction in fifty words or less and give it a genre twist. Make sure you name the title of the original work, only six entries per person. The harder we laugh, the better your chance of seeing your plot in lights (or at least in print).
So. Here are my six entries. See if you can figure out the literary source for all six (the titles make it pretty easy). Then share your own! Surely, some of you are game…
Planet of the Apes of Wrath
Deforestation turns the Amazon into a dust basin, and its mutant gorillas travel west. Grandpa Silverback dreams of bathing in California grapes, but the others plan to take control. And they discover that 400 lb. gorillas can harvest grapes, pick fleas off a comrade, and sleep wherever they want to.
Gone with the Solar Wind
Planet Tara and its narcissistic queen, Scarlet, are devastated by stray logic bombs in a galactic battle. The defeated but rich General Rhett marries Scarlet and starts to rebuild Tara’s quantum morality shield. But its curtains for the queen, when he decides he just doesn’t give a damn.
Code of the Flies
Thirty prep school boys are trapped on the net when their virtual field trip malfunctions. They trip out their avatars with hordes of orc armies from the World of Warcraft museum, and consider attacking the digital banking reserves. But settle for pranking Japanese porn sites until the Asian economy collapses.
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
A man invents a probability drive to predict the future—but what he learns sends him on a murder spree. In desperation, his lovely wife adapts the machine to transport holographic messages into her husband’s past, but she sends each message at a price—a small piece of her sanity.
The Adventures of Tom Slayer
In a backwoods town, Huckleberry Djinn grants 3 wishes to Tom Slayer, but Tom’s last wish accidentally unleashes the Djinn’s demonic father. When the entire town turns into zombie mindslaves, Tom must live up to his name armed only with a bucket of white paint and a 6.5 hp chainsaw.
Oliver Twisted
Oliver, a young male product on the organ farm, disrupts the entire crop by requesting additional simulated childhood time—“Please, sir, can I have some more?” He escapes to join a group of young black market harvesters and runs into trouble when caught swiping a kind man’s upper class kidney.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
*snorting with laughter* Too fun! I must try this-I’ll be back…
Thanks! I sure had fun writing them. The 50 words or less ended up being the biggest challenge.
Whoa. I think my brain just blew a fuse. I’ll come back if I think of anything, but in the meantime, you might want to jaunt over to my blog to view something relevant to you, as well as a story about zombies. Sort of.
Jenn, I’m honored. Let me think a bit. (Rim shot.)
And I’m excited about your “zombies” post. Everyone loves a good zombie story!
Sketchers in the Rye – Holden Caulfield is mopey…to the extreme! Now he must win a skateboarding competition all while putting on airs and sulking in this action-packed adventure!
Green Eggs and Hamlet – A whimsical yarn about young Hamlet’s refusal to digest oddly colored pig slaughter and chicken abortions and his quest to reveal the truth about his usurping uncle, who has probably poisoned the food.
One more, and just realizing the need for sci-fi/fantasy…
A Hard Day’s Knight – John, Paul, George, and Ringo are used to avoiding screaming mobs, but they usually don’t have torches and pitchforks! The Fab Four parade through Medieval England, desperately fleeing hoards of confused and enraged villagers looking to destroy this satanic rhythm music and the hellspawn responsible for it.
Matt, I love it! And I’m glad you broke out of the sci-fi/fantasy mold. Although that is the specific requirement for the contest, it’s pretty arbitrary.
Sketchers in the Rye is my personal favorite. You should send in A Hard Day’s Knight. Hilarious!
I love these. I remember a few years ago I came up with a list of book title mashups that resulted from funny juxtapositions of IVP books on my office shelves. So “Should I Home School?” + “God the Almighty” ended up being “Should I Home School God the Almighty?”
Let’s see if I can come up with anything . . . how about:
The Daredevil Wears Prada
A radioactive dirty bomb sent to a Manhattan magazine blinds the editor but grants her supersensory powers. She becomes an urban vigilante, dressed to the nines in red leather, kicking badguys’ butts with her Manolos and thwocking them with her enhanced Prada handbags.
Okay, that was kind of lame. Best I could come up with off the top of my head.
In case you didn’t discover it, the zombie story is already up there, a few posts down. I posted, like, four things on Saturday.
Al, hilarious! especially “the urban vigilante dressed to the nines” and especially the “thwocking.”
Every superhero needs to give a good thwocking sometimes.
The answer to the jumbled title: No. But a whole lot of us try to do it.
Jenn, I found your zombie story. Crazy. Funny but also disturbing and oddly inspirational (in a kind of reverse psychology way). Thanks for sharing!