Sentence Tip # 6 – GoodWordEditor to the Rescue!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Good Word Editor!

In my dreams… Where the whole world values diction and syntax and language control as much as I do. (Hey, people, communication matters!)

So who am I going to rescue today?

No one.

But Eve Nielsen asked me a very practical question about paragraphs.  She emailed me two sets of paragraph options she was considering, and asked my opinion. Well, who could resist that? She gave me permission to post my response here. So hold on, super hero fans! Here we go!

Eve’s First Challenge 

Option 1

“Leave all your books here and bring your bags,” said Widow Maj in a crackly voice. With that, she walked out the door. The stunned students finally clued in, emptied their bags, and rushed after her.

Option 2

“Leave all your books here and bring your bags,” said Widow Maj in a crackly voice.

With that, she walked out the door. The stunned students finally clued in, emptied their bags, and rushed after her.

Given these two choices, I’d go with Option 2. In this passage, the action first focuses on Widow Maj as a speaker, then shifts to the students’ response to her sudden departure. Since the point of view shifts ever so slightly, I would help the reader out with a new paragraph.

Creating the new paragraph before she walks out may be a subtle way to shift the focus to the students. So that her departure is seen by the students, rather than the narrative camera following her our the room and needing to reenter to pick up the students’ response.

Eve’s Second Challenge 

Option 3

“Yes, this is a nice patch of Blister Bane,” Widow Maj said, fingering the waxy plant. “You there,” she pointed her gnarled finger at seven students, “get picking!”

Option 4 

“Yes, this is a nice patch of Blister Bane,” Widow Maj said, fingering the waxy plant.

“You there,” she pointed her gnarled finger at seven students, “get picking!”

Given these choices, I’d go with Option 3. I think. I’m not as certain on this one.

Generally a change in paragraph is going to indicate a change in speaker. Since that isn’t the case here, making the two bits of dialogue into two paragraphs could mislead a reader to momentarily expect the second paragraph to be a new speaker.

Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a distraction. The average reader would figure out what is going on very quickly, but in writing like this—escapist fiction—you don’t want your readers to think about reading.

Anything that makes them stop, anything that slows them down, anything that doesn’t keep them turning pages is working against the purpose of escapist fiction. These readers want to escape into another world. Little reminders that make them think about the process of reading bring them back into this world. And once they are back, they might put your book down! Not a good thing.

Paragraphs Set the Pace of Your Prose 

One more quick reminder about paragraphs. Short paragraphs usually make a book feel like it is moving quickly. Dialogue makes a book feel like it is moving quickly. Americans want to read like they drive. Quickly.

But you control how fast they read. Your style is the like the NASCAR pace car. You keep them reigned in until it is time to let them fly to the finish line.

Following the rules of grammar and usage and mechanics (rimshot) makes the process safe for them. No reader wants to come crashing out of a narrative world because a paragraph or a sentence confused them.